Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
