and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
