The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
