remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize