where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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