Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
