I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
