Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
