Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
