Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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