You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
