True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
