You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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