He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
