We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
