I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
