I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
