They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
