wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
