White coat. Heels.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
