How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
