You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
