Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
