since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
