Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
