Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
honey bunches of taint.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
