sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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