We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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