Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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