she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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