Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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