somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
