Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
