carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
