I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
