True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
