If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
