??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
