u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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