i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
