Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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