I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
