i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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