"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
