Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
