just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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