All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
