I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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