Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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