Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My pussy is not your playground.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize