i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
