youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
