WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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