My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
