So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
