i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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