Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone came in the potted fern
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
