Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't turn off my feet"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
