I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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