I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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