I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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