Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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