He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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