So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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