a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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