Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize