someone owes me an orgasm
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
