summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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