I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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