i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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