My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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