I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
